Someone robbed my “binky”….
So last night was one of the hardest nights for ME. To hear my child cry his eyes out for an hour felt like an eternity of pain. I came to the realization that it was only my fault that it even got this far. Why didn’t I go along with the plan.
Almost two months ago, the twins graduated to the big kids room from the nursery. They get to roam around a huge room with other 18mon-3 yr olds. Let me tell you that I was so nervous to send them out there. It was like sending my cubs out to the wilderness. Survival of the fittest. Plus, there was a NO BINKY ALLOWED policy. I just knew I was in for a ride. After a few days in the wilderness and the mini tantrums, they actually got around fine. They were learning new things and using their motor skills.
But I still held on to those binkies. I thought what about the ride home in traffic, what about those irritable moments in the store, what about bedtime??? So I continued to cater to their weaknesses…my weaknesses. Of course, my father tried to intervene every time he sees them with a binky. “No binkies in this house.” But as soon as we get in the car, I popped them right in their mouths. I work 8-4 throughout the week and by time each day is over, I easily put in about 10-12 hours of sweat and energy. I feel like why should I feel aggravated on the ride home, in the stores, throughout the night. These should be moments of peace and tranquility. And that’s how I feel when they have those binkies. I kow its selfish.
But only last night did I realize that it was me who caused each and every tear coming out of my son’s eyes. Because I have made him dependent on soemthing that is not suppose to last. So his father says, no don’t give it to him, let him cry it out. Man, I wanted to just say WHAT?! I don’t want him to suffer. My son wakes up to realize someone stole his binky. Then 20 minutes past by and I started thinking. Was I really that selfish?
So now its time for mommy to be strong and let go. No more binkies. Pray for me, please.
